Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I'm like Howard Stern without the naked ladies

In the 3+ years I've been writing this column, I've received nice words I didn't deserve from lots of nice people. I also got this one nasty letter to the editor back in April, which I'm finally putting down the PS3 controller long enough to post.

The letter refers to the column that I submitted to the paper as "Doggedly determined." The editor at the Chestnut Hill Local changed some text in that column from "Our dummies are numerous" to "Dummy Americans are as numerous as fat Americans," then he changed the title of the column to read, "Doggedly determined not to be a 'Dummy American.'" There were some other small changes, mostly attempting to make my writing comprehensible, but those were the two that set this guy off.

As you'll see in the letter, my column is called "Over the Top" in the Local, which is really a funny coincidence, because "Over the Top" with Sylvester Stallone happens to be my third-favorite arm wrestling movie of all time.



Who knew a column about puppies and bunnies would be so controversial?

For the record, I have nothing against Americans. Many of my best friends are Americans. I also I also have a soft spot (several, in fact) for fat people, and though I'd never consort with an actual fat person, I generally accept their friend requests on Facebook. I jest, of course. Nobody sends me friend requests.

I blacked out the good doctor's name 'cause I didn't want him to be able to get here by Googling himself, in case somebody mentioned his name in the comments. He's more than welcome to Google himself, among other things, but I just thought it would be better this way. Sorry to be all "Bush administration with a global warming report" about it.


  1. This dudes right. You're totally offensive. How dare you joke about such a forbidden subject matter. You should be ashamed....I'm never reading this blog again.

    I hope you burn in hell for your sins and just remember, Jesus loves you.

  2. I remember an early column authored by Mike that was so risque (something about a "Dixie Wrecked") that it got pulled from its high school paper only to be reinstated two issues later because the intervening column... well... sucked.

    Dr. So-and-so probably wouldn't have liked "At right Angles."

  3. Took you long enough to vent! :) I hope this guy does find it... he's probably a Mike Todd fan at heart -- just someone that needs to be heard (if not listened to).

  4. It's good to be back. I've been slacking on blogspot, especially stopping by here.

    Saw the newspaper clips. For a second I thought you were auditioning for Leno's spot (didn't you hear Conan has already got it?)

    Oh I get it now. Ha.

    You should send Mr Mt. Airy MD a link to this post. He obviously has no sense of humor. He is probably really FAT too. Ha.